If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
