she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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