Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
