and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
