This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
