the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
