I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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