Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
