I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
