If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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