Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she told me i tasted like america
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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