i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
