I CAN MOONWALK!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
