id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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