Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
