Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
