Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Two words: nipple clamps
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