there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
