i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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