My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize