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• (517): View more from Michigan

  i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT

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• (530): View more from California

  I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...

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• (408): View more from California

  I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?

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