A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
