Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
