I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
