Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
