Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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