I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
