you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
