i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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