so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
