I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my sisters under your porch take her home
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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