I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
