how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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