so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
