She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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