who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
