my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
