does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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