I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
