I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
