I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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