One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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