I want to have your abortion
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize