he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
