3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
time to smoke my breakfast
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
