My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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