i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
