Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
