im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
