My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
