I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
