Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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