I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
