im about as happy as oj after his trial
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
