Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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