He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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