I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
