Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
