we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize