i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize