I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
