the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
