I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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