Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
