brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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