the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
