I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
