Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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