I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
