my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
