I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
