The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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