..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i need some magic done to my vagina
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
