it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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